Alright ! Thanks for the feedback.
@GameF@ce: Yeah, in the original version there was almost not description at all hehe...it took a look a while to put in something that seemed cohesive enough to paint the reader's canvas or whatever. Unfortunately, I don't plan on building on it cos it'd probably end up messy and unreadable, similar to one of my earlier stories (A6?). Yeah, I don't think the foundations are good enough to warrant a makeover... :p

@swoop: Ehh~ does this mean...I did describe the fire in a non-repetitive way? I'll change the formatting.

Seeing as both of you thought that I needed to put in more detail about the setting, I'll put more consideration into the next writing piece I do. I tried to make this story more spontaneous or something (maybe....something like...the reader learns as it goes) but I think I definitely need to work on that.

Formating is better!

and yes you describe it well. Sometimes you describe to well, and if you real certain parts aloud you could probably eliminate an adj. or two in certain sentences, so it might flow better.

I like your dialogue between the siblings.

and skimming over it i think i saw a "usually .... usual " combo

great work

swoop wrote:
and skimming over it i think i saw a "usually .... usual "  combo

^.^" sorry to uhh ask you to clarify... I don't know what you mean by this

The usually frigid marble tiles of the bathroom were pleasantly warm, lacking the usual cold sting to the soles.


its just not usually used that way shall i say, a tad redundant

Ahhh ok ok I see, thanks!