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C.O.R.N.
C.O.R.N.
C.O.R.N.
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4360
507
2010-01-21
1997-04-30
26
6797
Stephen
Ok, guys. Remember my story "Mother Ship" I did for my school assignment?
Well my teacher was going to put it in the school magazine but now it's going to a Statewide competition and I know for a fact it's not going to do well.
Ok, so I need advice and help on how to patch the thing up.
You can just give me constructive criticism, what you didn't and did like or even some pro point of view of what
I should do.
Thanks.
http://gameface101.playogame.com/t951-mother-ship
BluE
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43605072010-01-211997-04-30266797Stephen
Ok, guys. Remember my story "Mother Ship" I did for my school assignment? Well my teacher was going to put it in the school magazine but now it's going to a Statewide competition and I know for a fact it's not going to do well.
Ok, so I need advice and help on how to patch the thing up.
You can just give me constructive criticism, what you didn't and did like or even some pro point of view of what
I should do.
Thanks.
http://gameface101.playogame.com/t951-mother-ship
C.O.R.N.
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C.O.R.N.
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5163
1247
2009-10-09
1974-05-28
49
8363
Fire Knight
@Blue - try adding more character depth and make a connection for the reader to like each character so when a character dies, the loss of a cast member will pull more on the heart strings ~ oh and I got a fever for some metaphors! ^,^ throw in a few descriptive words and you are set!
i.e.
He shouted 'fearfully' into the depths of the tangle of metal 'which looked like a pile of bent knives.'
G@MeF@Ce
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516312472009-10-091974-05-28498363Fire Knight
@Blue - try adding more character depth and make a connection for the reader to like each character so when a character dies, the loss of a cast member will pull more on the heart strings ~ oh and I got a fever for some metaphors! ^,^ throw in a few descriptive words and you are set!i.e.
He shouted 'fearfully' into the depths of the tangle of metal 'which looked like a pile of bent knives.'
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